The query of what occurs after dying has lastly been answered by Australian cricket legend Shane Warne: You narrate your personal cringey two-part Channel 9 biopic from past the grave.
Warnie, Channel 9’s rushed try at a telemovie to honour the sporting hero, is as slick and complicated because the bleached mullet that steals the highlight in Sunday’s premiere.
The mixture of tacky voiceover and soapy performing leaves us extra queasy than the fictionalised Shane Warne himself in a scene the place he kilos again cartons of strawberry milk whereas chain smoking durries.
This biopic is Australia’s model of the Barbie film — a tribute to a worldwide icon. Both movies require supreme consideration to element. In Barbie, director Greta Gerwig flawlessly creates the Mattel universe all the way down to the exact shades of pink. In Warnie, it’s all in regards to the exact shade of yellow within the mullet and the smear of white sunscreen throughout the nostril.
Then there’s the Kath & Kim-style twist to pronunciation — moi, ploise — that solely will get worse because the narration from lead actor Alex Williams amps up. This voiceover is abused to push ahead a narrative that flows like a collection of messy anecdotes being advised over Christmas lunch by your drunk uncle who received’t shut up about his heyday.
“They gave moi a state memorial. Moi. A boy from Black Rock,” Williams, as Warne, posthumously displays as footage performs from real-life news stories.
There’s Eddie McGuire, delivering the eulogy on the MCG funeral. Then there’s Channel 9’s Georgie Gardner, studying some form of bulletin. It’s a peculiar mix of reality and fiction that’s supercharged when archived clips from speak present Parkinson start to play, displaying Real Warnie answering questions whereas Fake Warnie narrates over him.
“They had film stars, rock stars, some of the biggest people in the world. I mean … it was mind blowing,” the voiceover trudges on with extra observations about final yr’s state funeral. “I was given the Queen’s Birthday Honours — that’s like a knighthood, for being a role model. A role model. Those are her words, not mine. Amazing. Because, y’know, it wasn’t always like that … for moi.”
Cue the SFX of a rewinding VHS tape! Suddenly, we’re again in 1993. Maybe? 1993-ish. It’s exhausting to inform. That rewind SFX performs lots as we zip between the ‘80s, 90s and early 2000s.
Anyway, it’s within the early ‘90s that we see a young Warnie at training, realising his gift: The Flipper. What follows is a reverent ode to the flick of the wrist that defined the spin king’s signature bowling model.
“For those of you who think The Flipper is some kind of dolphin, lemme explain,” the voiceover declares as we decide up the sofa cushions and canopy our wincing faces. “You can spin the ball two ways. One: with ya fingers. Or: wrist spin – where ya use your whole wrist, which is what I do.”
This narration is layered over kaleidoscopic footage of Warnie bowling whereas disco lights flash, like a Kylie Minogue video clip.
The Flipper monologue ends with a poem we’ll name Rhythm & Feel.
“It’s all about the feel … the rhythm. The rhythm and the feel. The drive of the hips. The point of release. The revs on the ball. The rhythm and feel.”
Coincidentally, this whole present has no rhythm or really feel and is delivered to viewers like a cricket ball to the face.
We revisit a seize bag of scandals, from the goofy (Warnie getting papped smoking in a nightclub whereas being the ambassador of a Quit Smoking marketing campaign) to the extra critical (being supplied US$200,000 by the captain of the Pakistani staff to play poorly). But it’s one specific controversy that’s meant to offer the cliffhanger on the finish of this biopic’s first instalment: fats drugs.
After injuring his bung shoulder simply 5 weeks out from the 2003 World Cup, a bloated Warnie is physique shamed by his mum.
“You don’t look so crash hot. You look puffy in the face. Are you overweight? You should do something about ya looks,” she scolds.
Shane shrugs. “Well, I can’t exactly run.”
“So take a pill,” mum instructs.
Jump ahead a couple of weeks to Johannesburg and Warnie’s panicking that his weight reduction tablets are on the banned substances record.
He calls his spouse Simone in a panic. “I failed a drug test. It’s the end of my career.”
Unfortunately, it’s not the top of this biopic. Episode two airs on Monday night time.
Twitter, Facebook: @hellojamesweir
Originally revealed as James Weir recaps Warnie: episode 1 of the Shane Warne telemovie
Source: www.dailytelegraph.com.au
